I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
