yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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