So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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