The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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