my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
