That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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