I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
