Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
