im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
