he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
