When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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