he puts the penis in happiness.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
