The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
