the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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