Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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