I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
