She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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