sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
