watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
