Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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