Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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