There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
