he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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