Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
