I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
