I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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