I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
