I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
