you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
