Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He shit in the fireplace
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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