your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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