this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
