Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
