im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
