my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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