I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
