i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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