if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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