I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
