I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
