please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
