12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
