I accidentally had phone sex last night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
