bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Are we still banned from the library?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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