I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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