Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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