hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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