I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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