I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
