i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
